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評分雅思寫作點評：Mandatory Retirement

來源：環球教育網 www.ielts.com.cn 2005-10-13

　　Topic: Mandatory Retirement

　　In the recent years, whether mandatory retirement should be carried out has become a public focus. People’s attitudes towards it are divergent. Before presenting my stance, I intend to explore both sides of the hot issue.

　　Advocates hold the belief that mandatory retirement is beneficial to the whole community. First of all, mandatory retirement increases job opportunities for young people who have the energy to exploit and thus it is an effective way to ease the pressure of unemployment and help the development of companies. Moreover, it cannot be denied that an aging staff member (staff是集體名詞，不能用于表示個人), physically and intellectually weak, is no longer capable of heavy manual work and seasoned with (be seasoned with “適應”的意思。Capable of 不能直接搭配rapid pace)rapid pace，such as aviators and surgeons （這個such as短語放在staff member后面比較恰當，但是要改成單數形式，such as an aviator or a surgeon。這里隔得太遠。）. In addition, early retirees have more time to pursue personal favorites and communicate with family members, so the quality of family life can be improved.

　　Some other people, however, are strongly against mandatory retirement for several reasons. Primarily, it is a brazen violation of people’s basic right to work. Those people who are forced to retire early tend to feel isolated and abandoned. Furthermore, mandatory retirement will put a financial strain on the limited budget of the government as retired people mainly live on the state pension. Last but not the least (注意不要背錯了！), it will be a waste of human resource. With rich working experience, old employees can be good advisors for the young and inexperienced personnel who may be less mature and rational. As an old saying goes, “the older, the wiser.”

　　In the final analysis, both sides have sound foundations. Personally, I am in favor of the latter. I believe age discrimination should not be allowed; mandatory retirement is a breach of people’s right to work whenever they are qualified. Therefore, mandatory retirement should be discouraged.
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點評：
1． 文章結構完整，論點論據充分。Good!
2． 基本沒有語法錯誤，同時正確地混合運用簡單句和復雜句。
3． 時態方面做得不錯，沒有錯誤，特別注意到了第三人稱單數的問題。
4． 用詞比較準確，但是還需要注意詞組搭配以及一些詞的用法。

估計分數：6－6.5分